HUUULLLLLLLLLLOOO MMAATTESS!!!

I have returned from 3 months of intense martial arts training in Japan. I am now a trained killing machine! (You won't be playing guitar or piano Nigel any more Zack!)

My master was Micati:

He was a very wise Cat. Unfortunately I had to kill him. In his sleep...with a rusty tuna can lid. (Chuck Norris ain't got nothin' on me!) Anyways, on to the good stuff!

When I arrived home, Kid the Kitten and his Gang of Pirates were waiting for me. The poor blokes were still upset about that one time I chewed up their Yugi-Oh cards and threw Kid's brother in front of a car. I dunno why their panties are still in a knot about that though. I mean, they're just stupid pieces of paper after all...

In order: Iron Henry, Bartholomew, Kid, Sealegs Hook

Things were a tad bit unfortunate for them though. I threw them quite the savage beating. After cat-handling them I tossed all but Kid of the balcony to feed the savage bunnies below. It wasn't a pretty site... I don't think Kid will be messing with me anytime soon though:

What did you do while I was gone??

Nigel

I, Nigel the Annoying Cat, have decided to become a male model. I've always felt this empty void in my life and nothing really seemed to fill it. I can't even begin to tell you how complete I felt while watching Zoolander. It's everything I want! So today I had a little photo shoot so I could strut my stuff.

I'm such a naughty kitty... I pulled all of this junk out of the box just so I could show some leg!

Well hello there, beautiful!

Here I am, rockin' out!

Do I make you horny baby?

If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy...

RAWR!

Wish me luck! I hope I can make friends with Billy Zanye's cat!

Nigel

Trick or Treat!!

Hullo all. Sorry I haven't updated for a bit. Josh grounded me for keeping them awake all night. (It's not my fault he has to sleep at 3 am is it?)

Anyways, he did let me go trick or treating though. It was a pretty fun event, except for the freak that dressed up like Abe Lincoln: I would drown my kid before I let him go out in that. On the otherhand it's better than some mindless Power-Barbie-Rock Star-Brain Dead costume. But still... he was freakin me out.

My costume was a duck!


Pretty gnarly, aye? Josh took some pics when we stopped at this one apartment with a crazy lady in there:

Here I am knocking on the door:


Josh had the lady that answered take a picture of me from inside:



Some candy getting put into my pail:


Here I am counting my sweet booty, and checking for razor blades:




All and all it pretty fun, but there's two things that really made me mad.

1. No one thought to give out any cat nip... Do you realize that 25% of households in developed countries have at least one cat? How is it I didn't get *any* cat nip? TWENTY FIVE PERCENT AND NO CAT NIP!

2. That crazy lady that helped with the pics, gave me a Heath bar. Talk about gross. Another useless fact is that that Army ordered $175,000 of them during World War 2 to include in soldier's rations because of their long shelf life. You can't chew them and you sure as hell can't digest them. Ick...

Happy Halloween!
Nigel

Ode to my suitcase

Oh, how I love my suitcase
the slick nylon on my face
it's loving sweet embrace.

Oh, how I love my luggage
and it gives me no umbrage
just sweet, nice loveage.

Oh, I love my suitcase.



Goodnight,
Nigel

My Harness of Power

The next bloody person to laugh at me in my harness gets a face full of this:



Yours truly,
Nigel

Bloody Hell.

So today, I was minding my own business, and not rubbing my clawless paws on hlog's speakers. I swear! ...and out of no where Josh picks me up and locks me in the bathroom! If only I had known the torture that be-waited me...

With out warning he THREW in me the tub!! It was awful! All that warm water getting in my fur. And that bloody tart hlogs was taking pictures and laughing! Some owner...

After fighting for ten minutes I finally got out! I was just slick enough from all the water on me. (at least it was good for something)

Ugghhh...

Don't laugh at me... How would YOU get the water out of YOUR fur?

at least they were nice enough to towel me off a bit.

I hate you guys. You ruined my life.

Nigel

Editors note:

Nigel was infact rubbing his clawless paws all over Heather's speakers.

His "10 minute fight" was more like 10 seconds, the wuss.

As a bonus, he now stinks like caramel. weird...

-josh

Coming out of the closet...

Nigel was staring out the window this morning and he was doing these short, quiet meows that sounded like little dogbarks. I asked him if he wanted to be a dog and he said "Meow." I told him that whatever lifestyle he chose, we would always support him and love him. His response was "Meow," which I'm pretty sure meant "What the hell are you talking about nutbar?"